I get paid for this?.....

If there is one thing I like about Eastern Europe, the thermal baths top the list. Luckily, I play for a team that is sponsored by a spa/bath house, and have a coach that is a big believer. In fact, we go twice a week as a team, a ‘mandatory’ recuperation period that has me sitting in steaming hot saunas relaxing and thinking to myself ‘I’m getting paid for this.’

I was sure to ask ahead of time if swimsuits were required since last thing I wanted to do was assume they weren’t and show up naked. I really didn’t know what I was getting into since most of my time overseas is spent being confused. One gets used to it. I never know what we are doing, where we are going, or what to expect out of any situation since no one’s English is good enough to tell me. Now I’ve stopped asking. With the spa, I kind of didn’t want to know to be honest. Nothing like
spending the evening winding your way through the bathhouse, unsure what lies behind each steamy glass door.

We arrived after a very long day. We had driven to Krakow, gotten beat by a EuroLeague team, and driven back. I was beat, frustrated that we didn’t have our whole team playing together yet and awfully sick of laying in buses and planes. Soon, however I was tumbling down a water slide (in my bathing suit) with three of my teammates, screaming the whole way down. The bathhouses are a little bit of everything; water park, sauna, steam baths, showers, massages, mineral baths, hot baths, cold baths. Its like a huge facility devoted entirely to making one’s body weightless and relaxed. Back in the womb.

After the water slide we headed outside where the rest of my team was chatting in the middle of a huge mineral bath. It was dark out but lights shown around the perimeter and the steam rose up from the hot baths into the cool night air. We hurried into the muddy looking water, and immediately melted into the soft heat. Nothing like a hot tub on a cool fall night. There were people everywhere, talking and relaxing and standing under hot showers of mineral water. There were about 6 different pools, all various temperatures, with bubbles and without. I could see the mountains in the distance, fading into the dusk, and a train rolled slowly past. Talk about serene.

We bobbed up and down for a while, letting our muscles move freely and soaking in the tingling heat. (the water is from natural springs that are so hot they have to be cooled down). Then it was time to head inside to the sauna area. We entered into a small area where one stripped down and wrapped up into a sheet with strings to tie around. Some teammates were already there, soaking their feet in tile-covered tubs or lying down in the relaxation room, sipping mineral water. Everything in site was beautiful and made for comfort and serenity. The facility had a mountain lodge feel with wooden beams and cute hotel rooms around the pools. The inside though was a little more modern. There was a sky theme with soft lights in the shapes of stars, moon shaped water fountains and sun motifs made of tile. Its sounds a bit tacky but it wasn’t all. Everything was perfectly planned out, from the mounds of crushed ice, to the curved lip of every bench, to the sounds of trickling water all around. One could really let go.

There were about twenty different types of rejuvenation in the facility and I began making my way through the labyrinth.
Saunas were varied according to about 10 different temperatures and types: eucalyptus, menthol, normal, steamy etc, with directions for which ailment, which heat, and how long one should stay. Some smelled of moss and salt with the soothing sound of raindrops. Some pools had 24 carat gold around the benches, others had marble carved lions and fake constellations above.

I sat around with my teammates in some, putting crushed ice all over our bodies and sipping mineral water. I kept walking, through the showers that got progressively colder, up through the foot soaking stairs where every hollow stair is filled with soft stones and various water temperatures. It feels amazing since one is hot, one is cold, one is tepid, one is freezing etc. Each one is a little surprise for your feet. I continued to the full body tepid shallow pool with bubbles then jumped in the cold plunge for the recommended minute, ice cubes falling behind my head from a hole in the wall. Then it was on to the hot hot sauna, to the massage shower, to the hot tub where a worker told me I must be naked, and finally to the buckets of cold water that dump on your head. It felt amazing.

People do go naked at times but generally not if they are walking around. If they are going into a pool in the sauna area, a hot tub, cold plunge, or tepid bath they typically whisk the sheet off and dive right in. I kept mine on until one of the workers told me to strip. I gladly did so and continued to do until I turned the corner and realized our coach was saunaing as well. I’m a little more careful now but figure it’s a cultural thing and ‘when in Rome’ I’m going nude in the bathhouses.

Nakedness isn’t a big thing here though. I have definitely seen my trainer in his underwear, my teammates have changed with males in the room and conveniently my locker is directly between the door to the hallway and the door to the training room, one of which is almost always open. I’m not particularly shy anyway so given the opportunity to care even less about clothing I typically assimilate quickly. I think everyone would be a lot happier if we got comfortable being naked. But that’s just me…

That being said, I still think there is a time and a place. The first week I was here I had to do the whole VO2 max thing and get checked up by the doctor. Why they needed to do VO2 max is beyond me. After flying cross Atlantic, driving for three hours, practicing twice, driving for seven hours and then playing 4 games in three days and averaging 37 minutes, didn’t think my conditioning needed to be checked. But whatever, doctor’s visits overseas always end up being a good story.

So I do the bike with the Darth Vader mask on which is really difficult to breathe through, for some reason even more so when the nurses can’t communicate with you. There is always more anxiety in situations where no one lets you know what is going on, especially when oxygen is scarce. But I was fine and after I finished, proceeded to put my clothes back on over my sports bra and spandex. Then, much to my surprise, a 14-year-old boy walks past me in stonewashed tightie whities and nothing else. I could have done without seeing that.

Next it was into the examination room where the obese Slovak doctor, who spoke zero English, started poking and prodding. I wanted to ask how the test went, how my heart looks etc but I had about as much hope for that as he did for getting a date with me. He did get some action though. Instead of just sticking the stethoscope under and around my bra he had me take it off. Not a big deal unless you consider I was standing next to a wide open window with people outside walking and talking along the sidewalk. Free tits! I just shook my head, got dressed and walked out wondering why I always find myself in foreign countries undressing without explanation.

Next on hand was a talk with our team doctor, who’s English is suspect but manageable. We had a nice talk until he started on the body fat calibrator and said mine was too high. He said he thought I should lose a few kilos, that he had a supplement for me to take to lose weight. I wanted to tell him since we are giving out advice, I thought he should stop smoking but I was afraid he might misconstrue my rudeness as being a joke. Like I would ever take any “supplements” over here. I know all about how they do it over here in Eastern Europe. They might pull a Marion Jones on me or something and next thing I know I’ll be growing a mustache and looking like my name should be Helga.

the spa: http://www.besenovacom.sk