I haven't written much since I have been back for a number of reasons. Coming back to Athens was more of an adjustment than I anticipated. I had a great time at home and wasn’t super excited about coming back after only a week but I wasn’t put on the plane kicking and screaming either. I mean I love my life here too and although I wanted some more time at home, this is my job. So coming back wasn’t terrible and once I got to the airport in Seattle my mind shifted gears and thought only of getting to my apartment in Athens with the least amount of stress.
So off I go, and here I am. I got here like 10 days before our first game and got right into practices. But I was jet lagged as hell. You would think that one week wouldn’t be enough time to throw you off that much but I was beat. I was sleeping from midnight to one, then I was up wide awake emailing and talking on the phone till 6 am, then I was sleeping till noon and napping at 5pm. It was not fun at all. Plus the first week back is all about adjusting to life again, without all the excitement of family and friends around. I had to remind myself what I did with my time and get back in the groove. Its difficult to get a handle on your life and your time when your sleeping schedule is so far off from normal. Ahhh, but enough complaining, I am fine now just took me awhile.
Another reason I haven’t felt much like writing is because basketball has been tumultuous at best. We lost again on Sunday and to top it all off, I played like shit. So this week is all about getting myself back, finding myself on the court, because I know how to play basketball.
It just goes to show that the life of a professional athlete seems so glamorous. People think that about college ball too. Like all the time is just fun fun fun and life is grand and glorious. I would say that being an athlete at a high level is fun as hell, I obviously love it but at the same time it wounds you again and again. Failure is such a big part of it and so is picking yourself up. And it totally sucks when you have to do that. But at the same time once you’ve tasted that feeling of triumph over adversity, its addictive because it seeps into your whole being and you can’t get it out of your mind.
There are times when being a professional athlete is the best thing in the world. Times when you go to practice and everyone is smiling, laughing, patting you on the back and telling you how great you are. Games are going well so once they are over you enjoy the week, go to practice, think about how much fun you are having, and embrace life. You get money, you feel lucky to have such a great job. Then there are other times when things aren’t so joyful. Where your whole life is consumed and no amount of money makes you feel better. The thing about athletics is that, yes, I work a couple hours a day, but losing seeps into your whole life. It makes you feel like a shitty person and you can’t just leave that at the gym.
So this whole week has been stressful. Its one of those times when this job isn’t glamorous at all. I have had a great week in the gym, working out by myself and just loving playing ball. But the stuff off the court has been shitty. They are threatening to send me home if we don’t win, my Greek teammates haven’t been paid in two months. Needless to say our game tomorrow is huge and we have got to win. I’m pumped to play, the pressure adds some fun I think. But on the other hand, there is drama there that I have had to put out of my mind so I can just play. But I’m kind of to the point where I’m like screw everything and everybody, just throw the ball up and let’s go.
So life is a roller coaster. I’m not complaining, its nothing new. Its just the price you pay for this life. And I love it, its just tough sometimes. Its times like these that for a millisecond a job with no emotional ties is appealing. A job where you really can leave it all at the office. But that’s a fleeting thought because I actually like the challenge even if it makes me feel like shit because I know what lies ahead.
Another fun thing about being professional athlete is that you could be fired at any second and have to pack up and move to a whole new city. And many times it is out of your control. It could be because you aren’t playing well, it could be because your team isn’t winning, but it could also be because your team ran out of money or because they decided they wanted at small forward instead of a point guard. They don’t really need a reason. I’ve known people who were told they were released on a Thursday and expected to be out of their apartment on a Friday. The team literally brought the other player over to move in as the former player was leaving. And I’ve known people to come to a country for a month and then leave or even less than that. And those are the good stories.
But like I said, I do love doing this. And loving it means accepting the bad things as well as the good. I just have to remind myself of that. Overall, I’m happy here but the losing can’t continue. I can adjust to most anything else but that.
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